I can't take the stock market anymore.

or anything for that matter.

money
career
writing
art
health
women
love
family
balding
wrinkling

...I quit.

can I be cryogenically frozen or something?

Hooray for me.

finished the "ugly draft" not a first draft. not even a "rough" draft. A pre-rough draft. and it's ugly. real ugly. grammar, spelling, concept, ugh. it's a mess.

but it just may be enough. enough that maybe I'm stuck now. maybe now I've done enough work that I have to finish it. At least get to a rough draft. so like i said "hooray for me!"

and hooray to all those out there struggling with reaching those goals. it can be slow, frustrating and disillusioning at times. so enjoy every little victory.

hooray!

AIG in the port?

pos comments from barrons. real close to 52wk low.

don't think it's going to ZOOM, but could start a slow chug up.

if I buy will dump if it breaks 52 wk low @ 44ish

the bickersons.

the longer the fight between clinton/obama goes the better the arguement becomes for the republicans.

prediction. republican position:

do you want a democrat for pres when they can't even stop bickering about the nominee?

new name for dems...the bickersons.

bad valentine's day stock maneuvers... (that word looks weird right?)

10:30am BIDU up about $14. Going to short it...whoops didn't pull trigger. Stock starts nosediving. too late now.

11:00am BIDU now off the high by 10. TOO LATE TO SHORT!

Go long. Go loooooong it.  Just to be safe I put in a stop of $2.50 loss.

11:22am Lost the $2.50.

Round 2

12:30pm Feels like a bottom. Could turn up...

12:45pm Go long!

1:00pm Down another $5. waiting to see if it turns in the later pm.

1:35pm back to where I got it. Should I dump out? (gotta go do some writing, horror script, trying to get better at left/right brain multitasking. Have to get to page 69. What was I talking about?)

2:20pm got to page 69. It’s a mess but I got there. More to do. No market check yet. Waiting til 3:00p

3:01pm back to even. (though still down 2.5 from the first trade)

3:42pm hit page 73! Not bad. Though still doesn’t make sense and I have no way out of the mess I got the characters into. Going to cross fingers and wait eighteen minutes til 4p on BIDU. Then go home take a nap.

4:01pm here we go. Going to check price. Thanks iphone. Fingers crossed.

4:04pm (interesting that’s also the internet error code) Ok, here’s the deal. I’m up $1 from my second buy so that means I’m still down $1.50 from the first loss. Could be worse. Fingers crossed we open UP UP tomorrow.

4:06pm I’m going to take a nappy. Bye for now!

Newsflash UPDATE!

7:55pm took a nap. Walked dog. Check after hours prices. Turns out earlier when I said I was up I wasn’t. I was looking @ the ask 266.40 not the LAST 264.50 so it turns out I’m down $1 on the last trade.

1) -$2.50
2) -$1

Total losses for day $3.50

Not good not good at all but coulda been worser.

GOOD LUCK tomorrow!

filtration overload. I now know how the computer from wargames felt

which be bestest (goodest)

my yahoo
igoogle
netvibes
pageflakes (only one I can figure out how to add a blog but it's kind of lame)
webjam
hurox

others?

ranks? side by side comparisons? anyone?

off course then there's digg. delicious, stumbleup...forget the others. ugh. same q as above.

(current # of blogs 6 no one visits and I can't decide on- remember the term "dead links" how many dead nets are out there? poor abandoned blogs, social ning nets etc.

current # "mypages" 7, member of 28 social nets)

just want to get past (passed) page 60 for once.

anyone want to buy 15, 15 page script starts? easy to get going hard to wrap up. once i get 15-50pp out I pretty much feel like I expressed the idea and now there's a new one in the que that wants out. the old idea becomes boring tedious to focus on. the new ones screaming fro attention.

love scenes, love concepts, love creativity. hate length. god i wish i was a famous commercial director or sketchologist or something I'm superstopedope@2-6 minute bits. 90 minutes? ugh. a novel?!?!?!? ahhhhhhhh!! help me.

next up. what's the point? unless you become a networking whore, are born into it, are insanely lucky or are really really really talented you have little to no chance.

new show blows

eli stone. yuck. they try to be all...quirky and..oh i don't know. all i can say is i watch tons of tv and this one's dodo

Quick stock market thought:
 
Why not time the market when it’s going down? Isn’t it better to be OUT and stop losing money then miss some upside when the market turns?
 
Watching this stock market I feel like one of the little
people in japan yelling GODZILLA GODZILLA!!!

book comments:

The Four Agreements.
 
Had a hard time with a lot of the…I don’t know just felt cheesy. Anyway, still I  liked the ideas. Always good to be reminded to be a better person. Could’ve been shorter.
 
High note: The guy sharing his flame of love. Addiction to negative feeling as opposed to positive ones. Being stuck in patterns is what cam to me and I’m an of that.

The paths to freedom. Replacing old beliefs with new ones, step by step. Little by little. Being a warrior, controlling your emotions/action not being controlled by them.
 
Trying realize that you’re seeing the world through emotion colored eyes. When angry, everything goes wrong. Too sunny. To cloudy. When sad, everything is sad.
 
Forgiveness, again always good to be reminded of that. Personally I believe that not  being forgiving really damages you. Also puts bad vibes out there.  Liked the idea of not only
forgiving others but forgiving god which leads to self forgiveness.
 
Living like it’s your last day. I appreciate that concept but think it should be balanced on the practical side. Live emotionally like it’s last day but don’t sell the house and put every
penny on red. Just in case you don’t die you should be able to pay bills and buy groceries.
 
Short bits: 
Try not to:

-take things personally
-beat yourself up.
-be mean-judgmental
 
Try to:
 
-Do the best you can.
-Break patterns that mess you up
emotionally and behaviorally.
-Appreciate each day you’re alive.
-Be loving.
 
 Do the best you can do. Try to stop doing things that are bad
for you. Appreciate each day you’re alive.

getting as bad as it can get

wow this stock market is IMPRESSIVELY bad. 

I think we've lost like two years gain in a month. one month wipes out two yrs work. wow. as bad as it is it's kind of like staring at a force of nature. a hurricaine or tornado come for you. you just stand there in awe while it heads right at you. then POW. you're done.

btw sorry about the tornado ref it must be in my head b/c of the storms.

illest mech arm for amputees ever!

check the mech arm vid. "luke arm"

keep on keeping on. keep pop n lockin til the break of dawn. baby bubba

i know i gotta keep at it. eventually someone will read this blog. that or at least i'll feel like i ave it the ole college try. 

i know i need put more interesting stuff here. shouldn't just be some bumbling faggy journal rant (not that there's anything wrng with that)

need to find my...vice. i mean voice. focus. passion joivre de vive

viva la france.

DVD update

watched the nines. not bad but can't reccomend it. too slow and abstract.

also, broken arrow looks really good on bluray but the movie's still just as bad.

omg god and miracle do exist. the giants just beat the patriots. god I fucking hate the patriots and that f-king belichick . he leaves the field with one sec left. just like those scumbags. waiting to hear what he says at interview. go giants. go ny! fuck you patriots. sometimes there is justice in the world.

those god damn bastards didn't go 19-0 and become the "greatest team of all time" omg omg.
thank you jesus!

of course he says nothing during interview. doesn't even give the giants any credit. fucking fucker. scumbag.

ps sorry for all the cursing.

day turned weird mostly due to lack of sleep I think. crazy long conversations with people. and by convo I mean me listening mostly but that's cool.

and got some writing done. not enough and no clue how to take those 10 stories of 10pp and turn any of them into a full script/novel or other "useful" thing. it'll get there. either way it's good for the noodle.

lots of laughing too. that crazy pschotic laughing you when when you haven't slept enough. still it's laughing. 

funny

good morning

2 hrs sleep. just one of those nights. dog is panting too much so I'm overtired/paranoid. tooth still aches. overall been a wacky week. or should i say another wacky week. do they end?

any chance more than three people will ever read this? .000147%

need to clean the house. esp. smelly dog carpet.

good news. superbowl. and being so tired you don't care and think everything's funny.

everything's always such a fucking mess. so many things to do. so overwhelming. so many failures. unfinished things. unorganized moments. bill unpaid. stories half written. so much clutter.

and no one helps. no one's really there for you. not unless you're in the hospital or if you just want to vent. rant/rave frustrations. 

you really need to network alot to be able to get anywhere, it's just pathetic really. even then, unless it's the right people, right time, the odds are slim to none. and you keep just chugging along. I think i can I think i can. ugh my legs are killing me. 

i'm not sayin not ot bother i'm not saying you don't get anywhere i'm just sick and fucking tired of it all. sick of knowing i'm good enough for so many things and yet never being able to get anywhere with them. sick of the frustration. the beat downs. youth is good. ignorance is good. but after twenty or so years of geting jabbed you start toget punch drunk. after hitting the mat a couple of time it's hard to get back up. especially when you know you'll probably take more of beating. 

fuck. that's the best i can say sometimes. and yet I'm also very grateful grateful for all i have. to be born where and when i was. for tv and movies and dogs and friends and coffee and roller skats and kites and remote controlled cars. life is great but it beat the fucking shit out of you and it's not fair and you can't help but believe it should be and you can't help but get a little bitter and angry that you try so hard and don't make progress or worse fall back and then all you can do is be consoled by firends at best b/c no one you know can really do anythig to help you get to the place you ant to go and god won't cut us al a break and let us all just win the lottery. 

even though we all have all ready won one just for being here and having what we have. yet it's not enough becuase we genetically want progress. we want more. whether it's to find love. passion. inspiration. family. money. we always want, yearn for things to be better than they are. FUCK. and don't even get me started on all the shit we do to contantly fuck ourselves over and stay in the same patterns and places and never figure out how to break free all the while complaining about the paterns we're stuck ina nd how much we want o break free. why doesn't the awareness the desire do it? why have i fucked myself over so many times. knowing i was but hoping and praying i wan't. 

what the fuck is with that?'

FUCK 

cool it worked. onward and upwards. see my point about the previous post about overload btw? now I'm using some damn widget to post to some damn blog. which is cool and fun for the first five minutes but will i ever do it again? i mean what's the point? how many dead blogs are there? millions, tens of probably. how the fuck do you ever get people to read these things and how can steve jobs say reading is dead when all i do all day is read blogs and sites and widgets and...

does this widget work? just downloaded it to try to make things easier. also dog is bothering me right now. i'm cranky.

yesh

holy shit there's a lot of stuff out there to manage. so many sites so many customization/integration options. it's all so overwhelming. how does anyone handle it all? digg.facebook. myspace. blogger. blogs. youtube. posting everywhere anywhere how the heck can you centralize? yesh.